10 steps to taking your kid to another kids party
1. Pop some Anadin before you go. You might not think you’ll need it. You will definitely need it.
2. Try not to be overcome with admiration and jealousy when you see that a couple of parents have thought to bring a few beers. File it under “things we know for next time”.
3. Look for coffee instead.
4. Constantly switch between having a quiet word with your kid when they’re being a little shit to someone else, and consoling your kid when someone else is being a little shit to them.
5. Don’t feel bad for forgetting other parents names even though you’ve spoken to them many times before at drop off. They can’t remember yours either.
6. Start giving the 5 minute warning at least half an hour before you actually intend on leaving.
7. Know when to actually leave. This is around, but preferably a little before, the time you realise your kid is at the bottom of a scrum made up of sugar high children intent on beating the crap out of each other whilst their parents gather belongings and try to extricate the little arms and legs belonging to them to drag them to the car.
8. Try to find the party child and party child’s parent to say thanks and bye. The party child will be so jacked up on cake and excitement they won’t even know what planet they’re on, and the party child’s parent will be handing out party bags and asking themselves why they ever thought this would be a good idea, or rocking in a corner somewhere.
9. Suddenly remember in a few months time this is gonna be you. Cry inside.
10. Go home and have that well earnt beer you forgot to take with you.